Posted in About Me, Bible, Uncategorized

Just When The Path’s Part

We all have sat and ponder will the paths cross or part? We can sit and think about this for hours on end. Waste our whole day away, maybe the weekend too. But the real question is which path will we take? We will choose the path that crosses or the other path that goes its own direction? Here is another question to ponder; the path that crosses is that the path God wants you to take or is the path that goes its own direction that God wants you to take? Ponder that!!!

My paths have been rocking and steep, not knowing which path I should take. I questioned and still question which path to take. Do I go with the crossed path or the path that went off on its own? So let me share a thought. The path that crosses you are more than likely to see someone you know, the path that goes off on its own you are more than likely to see no one you know. So do you go with Path A The Crossed Path or B The Part by its self? Hmmm ponder ponder ponder path A or B. Now if I threw in a path that went nowhere would you take it? Maybe because we are comfortable, we know the routine, we know the tick of the clock, we know the people we are with, plus just maybe we change anything even a very small change it will wreck the place right?

My year has been a path of ups and downs, valleys, and mountains. Some I really enjoyed and loved and then the ones I didn’t like at all and I don’t even think I could love a little bit. I started a small business here at my home, which my husband and I live along with our five dogs (of all sizes) and one cat and two fish. You can’t have fish without a cat, can you? Hmm, ponder? Okay, okay let me get back on the path that I fell off of. My business started off slow and somewhat bumpy, then I had the rocket high of sales, then my rocket came crashing down. The business has come to snail pace, maybe even slower than that. But with all the ups and downs, with all the tears and giving up I pushed through. I’ve met people from all types of life and some I really connected with on a different level.

I didn’t realize that friends and people we meet are on all different levels. High ones those are the ones we look at like our “God” the lower friends are our “Hmm they’re my friend today but I lose them it’s no big deal, we can replace them. You know we have all thought and felt this also. Hard to swallow I know, because I’ve done it too. With my business, I have costumers who purchase almost all the time, then I have those costumers who purchase here and there, the ones where I think why aren’t you buying more?? Why?? Why?? Why?? I need your business I need your reviews, I need thoughts, I need your eyes to draw in new eyes, I need, I need, I need. I can go on and on about what I need.
But here’s the real truth I don’t NEED anything, nope nothing, not a thing…..(you’re wondering 🤔 why doesn’t she need anything if she wants her business to grow?). Here’s why I have to work at getting those new eyes myself, not waiting on others to help me or do it for me. I have to learn to do it myself. Sure it’s great that my customers want to help, but I have to learn some on my own. Like taking the crossed path or the path that went in its own direction.

I chose to take a path that I knew I could be somebody, I could make a little extra pocket money, “fun money” as I call it. Well, that fun money because more of a have to have and I want rather than what I needed. What I mean is, my wants were way bigger than my needs. I had let my paths going every which way, crossed, circling, passing one another, bumping into each other, and then falling off into their own paths, lost.
That’s is lost is the word “LOST”. I was lost in what was really going on, and which path was I to take? Heck, by this time I was lost myself, do I take A or B or Neither? As my business has come to almost as a feather falling to the ground slow I have to decide where do I go from here. Yes, The PATH again.

I was thinking now what do I do, where do I go from here, I’ve made good friends through my business and by now they are more than just “that Friend” the one you can replace. I can’t replace these people they’ve seen me at my worse and they’ve seen me at my highest, rocking it. The breaking point is coming, but when? I better get a hardness because it’s about to get real any day now. I began reading again and trying to sort things out, yep that path again, right here in front of me.
I came across the book “Crash the Chatterbox” by Steven Furtick, you must read!! What is the book about you’re going to asking, just that “THE CHATTER” we hear in our own head? What we can, what we can’t, what we are afraid, what doesn’t scare us, what do we look the way we do, why don’t people like me, why why why why……… The Wrecked path.
I had shared with my customers I was reading this book. No sooner than I had shown the book cover they were in for the long haul. They wanted to join me in reading this BIBLE Study. I was shocked you want to read this with me? Great, you will need to order your book and the study guide. (I shared the link which I will in the notes below).

BUT, what I wasn’t ready for was, my path was going cross with people I knew. What was this path going to be like? Then the big question came:
Who will lead this Bible Study, not me I have no clue about the bible, zero, nothing, lost, confused, and oh is that what Jesus said? Hmm didn’t know that. Jesus was saying a whole heck of a lot but I wasn’t listening like normal always in my own thoughts and head “Chatter”. I was going to learn real fast how my path was going to change.

God, used me so many years ago in a school where I was a teachers aide working with children who needed that little extra support, you know, “you got this, you can do this, I know you can, don’t give up, we’ll find another way for you to learn it.” If that meant I sat up all hours of the nights coming up with my own plans to help my student grow in learning or teaching myself sign language, most of all so their confidence would go within themselves. Which hmm, brain fart just now, Jesus was working on my confidences then also.

I believe lived I couldn’t lead this Bible Study because I know nothing about the bible. The “Chatter” continued to use the words, I can’t, I don’t know, I’m scared, I’m stupid, Why me, Can’t you pick someone better, Nope I’m not doing, while I’m stomping my foot, (shhh like my sister in law and daughter do when they want something heard, God loves them). Just as I had told myself, well I guess someone in the group of friends would be the leader, that’s great off the hook. Not so easy!! Darn it!!!

One night during one of my jewelry business sales, which I was doing my JOB running 🏃‍♀️my business, one of my customers now friends says why do you lead the study. I started cracking up and thinking are they kidding me? NOPE, they’re, not at all. It hits me, that yep it’s me that GOD picked to lead this study. My path had taken a whole different direction, the path I didn’t want to take or even try to understand.

But here I am today, leading this study, of 8 ladies including myself and loving it. My life’s paths have taken me on so many journeys, of emotions, lost, hurt, angry, confused, wanting to be loved, wanting to be wanted, wanting to just be someone. My paths in my life have been harsh at times, and smooth as butter others. I’d like the smooth as butter much better, but God wants us to trust him, to listen to him, to hear the truth in his voice, to shut the “Chatter” off, more like put a cork in it.
Don’t fall for the insecurity the enemy wants us to fall for, but what we need to know is GOD SAYS I AM, this is right out of the book: “I am His masterpiece, I am His workmanship, I am established, I am sealed with His promise, and I am REDEEMED!”

The “Chatter” works great wonders if we let it, sometimes we don’t even know the “Chatter” is doing its best work on us, until it’s too late, when we have taken the wrong PATH. The Path the “CHATTER” created the one that we believe so much is true when zero of it is true. God, created me and you, He had a plan/path for us before we were born, He knew the paths we would take before we took them good or bad. Because He CREATED us to be strong, to be his light in other people’s lives when they are lost and on the wrong path.

So I’ve decided my business path is now ready to go on its own path, and I’m going to take the cross path, The Cross Path that leads me to the people I know, to the people I don’t know, to the unknown period, because I have to let the “Chatter” go and Listen to GOD’s CHATTER the truth the Cross where Jesus is.

Sorry if you’re dizzy by now…..But it was well worth me writing this either in order or out of oder it caught you attention, don’t let the “Chatter” tell you differently

Posted in About Me

Life without Facebook?

What is life without Facebook? Let me begin by saying Quiet!!!
The quietness is almost scary. Scary enough to give the emptiness feeling in the gut. Wait, what, what are those sounds? Your ears are hearing new sounds and tones. The keyboards are just as lost are we are. Each letter of the alphabet is trying to figure out how to spell how they feel.

As the quietness sets, our brains begin to recognize the sound. The sounds our ears haven’t heard in many years. As we move throughout our day, we stop and focus on the old but new sounds. We find calmness in raindrops, find beauty in the trees from the window, the blues, and whites of the bubbly clouds and breathtaking. The simpleness of our days is studding.

We get lost in our cyber world. We hide from the outside world. We begin to believe this is our life we are to live. Our families, friends, co-workers, college friends, bosses, even our neighbors are now at the tip of our fingers. Our words are no longer read as we state them. We may be posting something one way, but our viewer sees them differently. They feel them differently. They can feel like glass cutting to the bone.

Cyberworld has also helped with hiding behind the screen. Again we can share videos of all sorts. We can post happy, loving, and laughter videos. But on the other hand, there are videos of madness, anger, sadness, and violence. Our cyberworld families each view those videos differently.

As I use Facebook for not just my family and friends, I also use it for my business. I was finding myself getting angrier and angrier while rolling through my newsfeeds. Not only was I feeling angry, but I began feeding into the “she said, they said” world. I began to tumble into depression. It was time to check out.

I checked out of my Facebook for two days. Today (Saturday) was my first day. Wow, my morning was totally out of sorts. My day was starting to look like a trainwreck. I had to have self-check. Telling myself, this will be great for my mind and health. I had to repeat this serval times throughout the day. I made it through day one.

I’d been missing out on so much. But it was my choice to be on Facebook as much as I had been. That isn’t anyone’s fault but my own. Just a bit of advice, take breaks from the cyberworld. Reset your mind and soul. You’ll be ready to take on the train again.

Posted in About Me

Shock – Let me out

When thinking of curveballs, we may think of a pitcher correct? Or maybe we think of the curveball that a tennis player may be getting ready to serve. What about a ping pong player who is getting ready to knock across the net. Or maybe a curveball could be something different, something that has nothing to do with sports. When you think of a curveball, where does your mind take you? Curveballs are served to us every day in one way or another. We can either A.) take the curvey path or B.) take a different route.

In September, I had set goals for October. I had set them pretty high since I like to take on a challenge. This goal was to better me, to help my business goal, to gain more friends, and take life in as it was. Life was great! I just wanted to better things. I set out to reach those goals as I had planned. The end of September arrived, and it was game time.
October was here, and it was time to get busy. I was like the female honey bee workings, all over the place looking for what would get my business growing. I was taking items from one set and pairing it up with something else. A lot like the female honey bee worker, trying to find the right home for my new jewelry. I love at my jewelry business like honey bees. Humans and Honey bees are a lot alike. Humans harvest well in some months than others. Just like Honey Bees, the harvest better when there are flowers in full bloom covered in pollen. Well, we humans work harder when we know there is something sweet at the end.

I worked and worked and worked even harder. The middle of October arrived. I was in self-doubt, doubting everything I had done and was planning to do. Finally, I had found a few new friends and was leading myself to good sales and growth. Self-doubt got me again. I was worried I wouldn’t reach my goal. The new friends I had made coached me on and told me I could do it. Even has much sent me items I hadn’t seen. I was shocked, but yet, so thankful for their help. The end of October came I was just 18 pieces short of my goal of 300. I was proud of myself and kept setting goals each month. As the month ticked, I became close to one of the friends I had met. She has taught me tips, pointers, shared items, and again cheered me on. Our friendship grew so much that we trusted one another to share, ideas, our spouse’s names, our children’s names, our daily life-styles, everything that good friends too.

February arrived, and we attended an event together to get more pointers from our higher up people. Now, this was the first time we had met in person. We were so excited, planning this since January. We had a blast, laughing, getting to know one another more, you know friend stuff. After the event, it was goal-setting time. We had set all these new goals, had games in mind, knew who we could turn to for help. We had each other.
The challenges started to roll in like thunder. They were like lightning, flashing every which way. We began to let the storm of challenges take over. Our goals were starting to get washed away with challenge storms.
But this time we’ve become best friends. We talked like best friends do, none stop. Our lives rotated around each other. We began to vent about how we felt and how things were going. Which means names are normally brought, up right? Well, that when the curveball was served. I didn’t have my helmet on, nor my batting gloves, or better yet my eyes there they needed to be.

March is here and I no longer have a good friend. We’ve have decided it would be best to go our own ways. Why?? I shared above that she and I talked about everything and shared everything. She had my trust, that things would stay between her and me. And I did the same with her. Curveball has been pitched, yes she shared what we had talked about. This was after she asked me to keep it between her and me. I did my part of being a loyal best friend. Once the curveball was pitched there wasn’t anything I could do but try to figure out the game that was being played before me. I tried to make it to first base by saying sorry, then to second base by giving us space to think, then to third, where I was told I was negative and it rubbed off on others. What, we were both throwing those negative curveballs. Well, I’ve finally made it to the home base. It took me a little bit to get there but I’m here.

It has taken me a bit to cleanse my mind, gather my thoughts, declutter my mind, and most of all Ask God for forgiveness. I know she wasn’t the only one at fault here. I too take the blame. I prayed for healing, and also found a friend that I actually have always had helped me through this process. She gave me the right tools to use and reminded me that the first step was asking for forgiveness and realizing it was my fault also.
I had a grand opening with my business this evening. And I’m glad to say it went surprisingly very well. I told 13 items in just over an hour.
So here is my tip to you: Don’t share what you wouldn’t with God. Remember He is our BEST FRIEND. He tells us the truth. And Guess what, He’s always there when we mess up. He set up back up on our feet and we are off again like racehorses. WE are looking for that finish line. But we also have to watch for those curveballs, they can hurt when they hit us.

I’m not saying by any means that what I do for a living is awful, or not worth it. Because it’s been worth everything to me. I have learned so many things about myself, and I have gained tons of new friends. But I did learn a lesson too.

I just want to be real!!!

Posted in Paparazzi Consultant, Paparazzi Consultant, Uncategorized

Coronavirus -VS- Income

The Coronavirus is on the rise. The United States has now seen our store shelves go from fully stocked to nothing but dust. Everyone is hurrying to stockpile, but what is in your Income stockpile? Are you worried? Are you a lucky one that their company hasn’t sent you home for the next month? Are you a lucky one that has been able to work from home and not worry?

Or are you on the other side of the paying table? Are you worried about when your next check will come? What about your savings? Will this Virus hurt that too? Did you have plans for a vacation this summer? Or is that on the back burner now? Or maybe you’ve had to put a big RED line through that vacation.

—– OR—–

What if I told you that you could make forty-five percent profit from working at home. Yes, from home!! You could be home with your babies, that are now out of school for a month. And you just got the notice that your workplace is not closing their doors also. What are you going to do? Are you going to Fight or Flight? That choice is up to you. But you can fight this issue by becoming employed by yourself.

Let me share:
I became an Independent for Paparazzi Accessories and Jewelry in May of 2019. I was looking for some independence for myself, even though I’m married and have two grown adult children no longer living at home. I wanted something that I could say, “I’m more than just a wife or mother.” I began searching for that “Dream Job.” I had stalked Facebook, searched Google so much that I felt like I had read everything a million times. I came across Paparazzi Accessories and Jewelry and knew it was for me. I did my research and research even more. Once I decided that was what I was looking for I joined. I know what does it cost to join??

Let me tell you:

There are three different kits you can start with.

The first kit is $99 plus tax comes with:

The second kit is $299 plus tax comes with:

The third kit is $499 plus tax and it comes with:

Once you join paparazzi you can start selling jewelry. Yes, that’s right you can start selling. How right? With your kit, you receive a free website with no monthly fees. You have resources at your fingertips. Your kit should arrive on your doorstep within 5-10 business days if not sooner. Here’s something even better, Monday through Friday new items are available at 3:00 EST (that’s my time). The only days that there aren’t new are on weekends and holidays. Wait it gets betters, all orders are shipped within 72 business hours!!!! Wait there’s more, you earn 45% profit of all your sales. I didn’t make and error I’m typed that correctly, 45% profit of all your sales. This is included website sales.

How is this so:

We the consultant pay $2.75 per piece of jewelry. We then turn around and sell that piece of jewelry for $5.00. Wait just when you thought it couldn’t be any better. For every 10 items that you place in an order, you as the consultant will earn one free piece of jewelry. Those are called Hostess Rewards, homeoffice pieces those pieces for us. So they are total suprises. With those pieces you can keep for yourself, give them away to friends and family, give away for game prizes or sell them. If you sell them that is 100% your profit.

So if your ready to earn some extra money or just order jewelry for yourself at the $2.75 a piece, I’d love for you to join my team. You will just need to click my link and click the join button.

Here is my link:

Here the links I used:

Posted in About Me, Feelings

Why Did I Start Blogging????

Why did I start blogging??
I began blogging because I wanted to share my life, my story, my treasures, my deepest feelings, and to let others know they too can conquer those deepest feelings. What was holding me back? Those feelings that I had bottled up for a lifetime. What was in that bottle? The actual feelings, the words, the story in that bottle? I wanted to help others. I wanted to hear their story. Was their deepest feeling the same as mine, I wanted to know.
I dealt with lots of questions in my life. Did I wonder if I was loved? Did I wonder if I belonged? Did I wonder if I was good enough? Did I wonder if God even cared? Did I wonder if I even knew God? The answer is Yes to all of them. There is one I still struggle with today. That is what is my purpose. Have you asked yourself, “What is my purpose?” I’m still in the process of learning.
Through blogging, I’ve been able to grow, grow into a stronger person. I still have my weaknesses. Yes, I still want to make the path all on my own, you know I wear big girl panties now. (haha laugh). 😂Through blogging, I’ve been able to sort through a lot of those bottled up words and feelings.
So if you are thinking about blogging, I would stay take in on challenge yourself, don’t be afraid to put those feelings into words, get them out there. You’re not the only one who had lived parts and pieces of your life.
Grow…..Let things be at peace…..Let your heart be filled with love and happiness. Most of all What is God calling you to do?

Posted in About Me

Which side do you sit on?

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who had dreamt of always have a fairytale wedding. She knew she had her work cut out for her. Working a full-time job, living an hour and a half away from home, and away from family and friends would be hard. The soon to be bride was excited to get the wedding planning started. From finding that princess dress to asking her best friend to stand by her side, helping to choose the bridesmaids dresses, watching the flower girls glow was she had asked them to be a part of this big day.

She began her year-long journey of planning and setting dates, meetings lots of strangers, which her mother always told her, “Don’t talk to strangers.” As the list grew faster than she could push a button to stop time, the big day is here. She stands to look through the window of this fairytale and sees there are tons of “To Do’s” yet to be done.

A Friday night at her Granny’s becomes the place where family and friends come to help sort the invitations. As the names on the guest list are being read, the chatter around the table begins to get louder. Stories start to flow about loved ones on the list. One would share a short story about a wedding they had attended. Another would chime in telling what the weather was like on the wedding day. Then another story of when the Bride’s Mother was forbidden to have her wedding dress the night before her fairytale day. Finally, all the invitations are ready to be mailed the next day.

Monday morning arrives its back to normal. Work, home, eat, sleep, and repeat. The days turn to nightfall and still no RVPS cards in the mailbox. A bad day at work has been turned into excitement when she pulls the mailbox door down to see RVPS cards have arrived. She skips the house, pushing mail out of the way to find the guest list she’d left on the kitchen table. She begins to check the names off the list. Her heart begins to beat and fill with joy. Her fairytale wedding is beginning to sink in.

Now just 5 weeks out from the wedding day, the Bride is thrown for a loop. What will she do, how will she handle it, will she stay strong, or will she crumble?

Momma Bear here: like it or not, this is her MONTH, she’s longed for this day and it is fastly approaching, the day that not only the Bride but the Groom have been dreaming of. They’ve given up so much, in the almost 7 years they’ve been together. They’ve missed college homecomings, they’ve missed out on getting together with friends, the list can go on. I’m blessed to know that my child and soon to be son in law has taken all this missing out well, with not saying anything and doing without. What memories will they have to share with their children about the college football game, or basketball games, friends hanging out? They love their families and the time they have with them, but there is a time and place when Momma Bear can’t take anymore and stands up.

This is their MONTH and their WEDDING.
There I’ve said just a part of how I feel.

Posted in About Me, Bible

My Life Has Changed and I Feel Pretty

This is Me!!

At the of fifty, I’m making changes to my life. I’m setting goals and working hard to reach them. I’m finally feeling a bit more independent. But a lot more confident and pretty. In the last three weeks, my days and weeks have taken on a whole new role. I had prayed that I would finally find something the made me laugh, be with other people, and share the beauty. I’ve had to step way out of my comfort zone. Talking to strangers and meeting with friends I haven’t seen in years. I’ve had to learn a sales pitch, which I’m still working on. Learning to be patient has been the hardest.

In Genesis 29: 20-21
“So Jacob spent the next seven years working to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days. Finally, the time came for him to marry her. “I have fulled my contract, “Jacob said to Laban. “Now give me my wife so we can be married.”

Just like Jacob, I must work hard before I receive my reward. I plan to keep this scripture with me at all times. For when the days I feel like bailing out or giving up. I can reflect on this scripture.

Me again wearing a necklace that I sell.

I’m learning to juggle being a wife, a mother, a daughter in law, an aunt, a babysitter, and now an independent consultant. So far it’s working out great. I have gotten behind on a few chores around the house. But I’m getting caught up on them. If I didn’t have these things to juggle life would be too easy.

In Matthew 7:13-14
“You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose the easy way. But the gateway to life is small, and the road is narrow, and only a few ever find it. “

We must learn that even though the path on the left may be short and getting us to point B faster may not be the best path. Taking the path on the right may be longer but it’s the path God wants us to take. In other others, put on the mud boots and be ready to get dirty. We’ll be doing a lot of walking through the mud because this isn’t the easy path, but it’s the RIGHT path.

I became an independent consultant for paparazzi accessories and jewelry on May twenty-ninth. I’m learning the ropes of this business. Having fun with it, and getting to wear beautiful jewelry. Here are some items that I love or have on hand.

Look at all that Silver
I do not have the ring in the middle.
This Flamingo read tear drop earrings are to die for!
How fun is this Mermaid wrap?? I do not take credit for this picture
This is an old pictures (3 weeks old) Some of these items I still have or you may find them on my website.

If you would like to visit my website please go to


Find me on Facebook at

My resources I used was from the Life Application Study Bible , New Living Translation.

Posted in About Me, Bible

The Devil In Action

Our enemy has many names. Evil, hatred, damaging, mind stealer, soul picker, and relationship wrecker are just a few. Beautiful, bright, shinning, guider, leader, hope, happiness, a teammate also. I want to share a month I’ve had with the enemy.

The beginning of May, I decided I was going to make some changes in my life. I wanted to grow as an individual not only as an individual but as a wife and mother. I became to turn to my bible for encouraging words and strength. I had always known that God had a plan for me, but what?
When my doctors told me I wouldn’t be able to return to the work field, it took me for a real ride. My life became a total wreck, with depression, anxiety attacks, not leaving the house, and find every excuse of why I wouldn’t be at a family function. Eventually, I had to come to my senses. I had to snap out of it, or the enemy would win. Truthfully, the enemy had won, I gave up on myself, and ran from God. Doing things my way got me nowhere. I was in the dark days and didn’t realize it myself. I thought those were the best days, so beautiful and carefree.

Reality hit with me when I finally was paying attention. I was tired of running and finding that at each corner I was right where I had started. But I was comfortable. It fit like a shoe, just the right size. But it was time to grow out of the well-fitted shoe and find a bigger size. I knew it would be a struggle and lots of what am I doing, is this what I’m to be doing moments. I had prayed for so long, but not continually, just when I felt like I needed too. I knew my family and friends were praying for me and asking for God to show me the way, His way.

The beginning of May, I took the first step to try on a bigger shoe. I knew it wouldn’t fit, and I would have room to grow. I knew God had given me the light to the path I had longed to have. The prayers that I had asked for years ago and even months ago were finally in front of me. But I first had to believe in myself and mostly believe in God. I had to step out of my small shoes and take the first step in my new bigger shoes. Wow, scary I won’t lie. But yet so exciting at the same time.

I had made arrangments to meet with a gal, whom I had never met. We both live in the same small area of Indiana, but never knew her name or where she lived. I contacted her via facebook messager and made planned a day and time to meet one another. Yes, I had to take another step in my new shoe’s, going to her home. A strangers home at that. As I sat in my car for a few moments to gather my thoughts and to get the courage to go to the door, I began praying. Yes, I was second-guessing God’s word and path. I could turn around and leave, message the gal and tell her I couldn’t make it. And never show my face again when she was in my presences. NOPE, I stood with God and did what he sent me to do.

The gal came to the door and welcomed me in. At this point, I would have been sweating as if it were 100 degree’s outside. Stumbling over words and trying not to be shy. God was right there, all the way. I wasn’t scared, nervous, or even shy. I went into the home we sat at the table and began to talk. I had questions already written down to ask. SO not like me! Surprisingly the written questions weren’t needed. As we were talking learned that we both have issues with shyness, anxiety, depression, and we both are homebodies and believed in God.

Once we became comfortable with one another, we began to talk business. God had a plan. A plan with the new shoes. I would be able to work from home, work when I felt the best, and to meet new people. I would be able to stay connected to the gal I met. She would become my leader, my guide, the person I would turn to when the corners became rough. Or when the shoes were falling off rather than letting me grow into them. She too believes in God, God’s word, and his guiding hand. So where does the enemy come into play?

As weeks went by after meeting with the gal, I began to feel fear, wanting to run, turning my back on God. The more I said, to the enemy, “You won’t take this from me, I won’t let you.” The enemy worked even harder on me. He offered me new shoes with lots of bright colors. They fit like a glove. Tight in all the right places but loose in enough for growth. I tried those shoes on for a few days. But returning them because they weren’t the shoes God gave me. They didn’t have enough room to grow into the way God wants me to grow into them.

The enemy came back with revenge. It became harder and harder for me to focus on God’s word each day. God’s words were being to feel false, not true. The words of the enemy were so much stronger. So strong that I began to feel weak and scared. I turned to my family and friends for words and strength. Words that would put the enemy in its place and to let me grow in Gods path. My strength became stronger and stronger. My happiness became brighter and brighter. My courage became so real that I knew God was with me all the way.

On May 26th, I signed on as a Paparazzi Consultant. I was taking the path that God had planned for me for so long. But his timing is everything. I was so excited about taking this new step in my NEW SHOES. I began planning things out, coming up with ideas, a budget, where did I want to be in a month or even a year. My niece and I met on May 29th to do the final steps before I could begin my path. In just a few days the enemy struck again, like a tornado. In hopes of being powerful, the enemy throws the trump card. I played the “GOD” card.

I was playing hardball with the enemy. I was the batter making home run hits. God as my coach, I was able to hit the ball harder and farther. I had lots of running to do on May 30th. But God told me what I had to do. I turned to him when I began to panic. I asked God to calm my heart and to settle my thinking. As opened the doors to the bank thoughts of what I would say were everywhere. I had to close the account I just opened a week ago. The enemy had his workers working over time. But his overtime workers didn’t get the best of me. As I told the bank teller my account had been hacked I help my head high. God soothed me as I wanted to cry.
As night came, I began to get lost again in my thoughts. Once again doubting God. Words started coming out of my mouth, words I knew God was giving me. Words as if I were standing in front of the enemy. I began to state I wouldn’t let the enemy win. That this is God’s plan, I was going to do what God wanted. I began to dance and sing. My singing isn’t on key, and my dance moves are just as bad. But that didn’t stop me from enjoying the presence of GOD.

Friday is a new day!!! I take the twenty-five-minute drive to the bank once again. As I sat down to begin the process of opening a new account, all I did was started laughing. God had prepared the accountant of the mess I had just the day before. Today went smoothly at the bank. Now on my way home was completely different. There was almost a wreck of five or six cars. With me almost being rear-ended, pushing me into the car in from of me causing a chain reaction. All of this because of a driver who decided they needed to make U-turn because they needed to go the other direction. I came just hairs from hitting the car in front of me. Seeing the car behind me coming just as close to me. I began praying that God would get me home. I asked for a reminder to go another way home.

I know I have many more enemy battles, and I know God will be my Trump Card!!!

Posted in About Me

When You Fail As Mother

Being a mother is hard work. We bring children into the world to love and protect from harm. All we want is to love our children, to watch them grow up and become parents themselves. Young mother’s don’t think about becoming grandparents, nor aunts. We are focused on our babies. Making sure they’re fed, cleaned, warm, and have a home. We creep into the bedrooms of our children hours after they have fallen asleep, to thank God for that day and pray for the next day. We want to be with our children all the time. Not to be an airplane or an overprotected mother, or to not let our children grow up. We want to love the child God had created for us.

Mother’s understand that our children don’t want us to be the momma bird for the rest of their lives. We don’t want to be the momma bird either. In all honesty, we want to see you take that first flight out of the nest. Our hope for you is that you have taken in all the lessons we’ve taught you, that includes the bad. Why the bad, so you can see that we too make mistakes. What you’re missing is when we beat ourselves to death about our mistakes. When we see you doing the same as us, we know we didn’t do the job correctly. We tell ourselves all through the pregnancy that we won’t be like our parents. But in the end, we do just that. Our habits are like hammy downs. Toren and frayed ripped and stained all passed along to the children.

We try to mend the broken only to find we are the broken. We are worse than the hammy downs. We aren’t fixable. We are aware of this by seeing our children with other mother’s. We are aware of this as our children no longer have anything to do with us. Punished for our actions, the actions we were taught. We search to figure out what action it was that ended a relationship with our child. Our minds are in falling apart. The files in our brains have been dropped and spread throughout our thoughts. We work hard to sort and find the mistake, but only to find that’s not the right one. So we continue to beat ourselves to nothing because we have failed our children, not only our children but ourselves. We want to be that mom everyone wants to be around, we dream it. Only to be dreaming of a nightmare. A nightmare that never leaves us. Our nightmares keep us awake all through the night and our days begin to darken.

As we weep and fall to our knees praying to God, that he will shine a light on our darkened days. To bring our children back, to allow us to show a change in one way or another. To heal the broken, and forgive us of our sins. We ask ourselves, do we deserve forgiveness? Do we deserve a second chance? Have we prayed enough? In our hearts, do we believe God is our savior? Did we raise our children in a Christ-like way? He is to be our strength, our drive, our hope, and our leader. The enemy sugar-coats our feelings. Making us believe we are worthless. Worthless sets in and become just that worthless. We aren’t worthy of anything, not even our children. Mother’s that are valuable will be sought out. The broken will be left to die alone with the pain they’ve carried all this time. Only to beg one last time before their last breath to be please forgive us.

On judgment day, we fall about to our knees praying for forgiveness, and once again have our children be about of us. To allow us to make our mistakes but still love us for who are. Human. Not a piece of trash that is no longer needed.

When All You Want Is Your MOTHER

On this day, all I want is my mother. I long for her voice, her hand, to fall into her lap and cry. To tell her I’m the problem, the reason she doesn’t get to see her grandchildren nor their children. I’m the reason the family is a trainwreck. And that I failed her as a mother. My mother did her very best with us kids. I only knew what I had seen. I thought my mother did a hell of a job raising three children on her own. Somewhere along the line, I didn’t get that lesson. The lesson I received was I wasn’t worthy. I wasn’t good enough and that I was the problem and the blame. I still want my mom. For her to hold me, tell me things would be okay only to know she would walk away again. The cycle continues.

Posted in About Me, Bible

Anxiety Takes Control Over Gods Words

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Living with anxiety can put a bit damper on your life. For me, it can be very challenging. I’m not sure what to say when I want to say something. I don’t know how to act, even though I’ve tried so hard to act normal. I become a clam, hidden in the shell, not peaking out. I don’t want to see the outcome. Outcomes are even harder even if they are good or bad. I can pep talk myself through situations, but I can still have anxiety attacks. Those attacks steal the words from my mouth. My brain becomes puzzled from the loss of words. My eyes become blinded, afraid to see, what is going on in front of them. My body becomes weak and lazy wore out from the stress. All I want to do is say what I want to say, and have the answers I want to hear. But that’s a fairy tail in life. Or is it?

The Bible says:

Philippians 2:28-30
So I am all the more anxious to send him back to you, for I know you will be glad to see him, and that will lighten all my cares. Welcome him with Christian love and with great joy, and be sure to honor people like him. For he risked his life for the work of Christ, and he was at the point of death while trying to do for me the things you couldn’t do because you were far away.

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I find myself even afraid of God. I second guess my thoughts and trust with God. I want to do what God wants me to do. Whatever it may be, could be right in front of me, and I’ll second guess his words. I could have prayed for something for months or years. And what I have prayed for could be right in front of me, and I’ll doubt the words he is speaking to me.

What does the Bible say about Doubt?

Matthew 14: 25-32
About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came to them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him, they screamed in terror, thinking he was a ghost. But Jesus spoke to them at once. “It’s all right,” he said.
“I am here! Don’t be afraid.” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you by walking on the water.” “All right, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on water toward Jesus. But when he looked around at the high waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Instantly Jesus reached out his hand and grabbed him. “You don’t have much faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you bought me?” And when they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped.

Sounds just like me, I’m afraid I’ll sink. That the winds will continue to blow like a wind storm. How do we get away from the enemy of Anxiety?

What’s the Bible tell us to do?

Matthew 5: 43-45
“You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust, too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that?”

So I ask God, I’m to love this Anxiety, these panic attacks, second thoughts, and those doubts? What! I’m very confused now. Do I walk towards the boat or towards the enemy? I need to learn to listen to my ears and come out of the shell. To not be afraid of what I want to talk about, what I want to do, how I want to grow and build better for my family.

In Psalms 71:2 says
Rescue me! Save me from my enemy, for you are just. Turn your ear to listen and set me free.

Or maybe this speaks clearly to me

Matthew 13:15-16
For the hears of these people are hardened, and their ears cannot hear, and they have closed their eyes-so their eyes cannot see, and their ears cannot hear and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and let me heal them.” But blessed are your eyes because they see; and your ears, because they hear. I assure you, many prophets and godly people have longed to see and hear what you have to seen and heard, but they could not.

Matthew 10:27
“What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ears, shout from the housetops for all to hear!”

OH, how I long to shout from the rooftop of me becoming someone and being able to help provide for our family. I’m excited to grow and I’m ready but afraid to take the next step. That step is asking for help. How can I be afraid to ask for help, how could this be? I shouldn’t be afraid to share what I feel God is putting in front of me and to ask for help. I shouldn’t feel this way if I trust in the Lord. Is the enemy myself? Am I fighting myself, and afraid I’m not to do this? But if I’m afraid, why do I get excited when I talk about it, get excited when I think about it?

Isaiah 8:13 says:
Do not fear anything except the Lord Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe.

Isaiah 8:13 says:
Do not fear anything except the Lord Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe.

Matthew 2:7
The Herod sent a private message to the wise man, asking them to come see him. At the meeting, he learned the exact time when they first saw the star. Then he told them, “Go to Bethlehem and search carefully for the child. And when you find him, come back and tell me so that I can go and worship him, too. After this interview the wise men went their way. Once again the star appeared to them, guiding them to Bethlehem. It went ahead of them and stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were filled with joy! The entered the house where the child and mother, Mary, were, and they fell down before him and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

Is this my interview?

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