At the of fifty, I’m making changes to my life. I’m setting goals and working hard to reach them. I’m finally feeling a bit more independent. But a lot more confident and pretty. In the last three weeks, my days and weeks have taken on a whole new role. I had prayed that I would finally find something the made me laugh, be with other people, and share the beauty. I’ve had to step way out of my comfort zone. Talking to strangers and meeting with friends I haven’t seen in years. I’ve had to learn a sales pitch, which I’m still working on. Learning to be patient has been the hardest.
In Genesis 29: 20-21 “So Jacob spent the next seven years working to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days. Finally, the time came for him to marry her. “I have fulled my contract, “Jacob said to Laban. “Now give me my wife so we can be married.”
Just like Jacob, I must work hard before I receive my reward. I plan to keep this scripture with me at all times. For when the days I feel like bailing out or giving up. I can reflect on this scripture.
I’m learning to juggle being a wife, a mother, a daughter in law, an aunt, a babysitter, and now an independent consultant. So far it’s working out great. I have gotten behind on a few chores around the house. But I’m getting caught up on them. If I didn’t have these things to juggle life would be too easy.
In Matthew 7:13-14 “You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose the easy way. But the gateway to life is small, and the road is narrow, and only a few ever find it. “
We must learn that even though the path on the left may be short and getting us to point B faster may not be the best path. Taking the path on the right may be longer but it’s the path God wants us to take. In other others, put on the mud boots and be ready to get dirty. We’ll be doing a lot of walking through the mud because this isn’t the easy path, but it’s the RIGHT path.
I became an independent consultant for paparazzi accessories and jewelry on May twenty-ninth. I’m learning the ropes of this business. Having fun with it, and getting to wear beautiful jewelry. Here are some items that I love or have on hand.
If you would like to visit my website please go to
Our enemy has many names. Evil, hatred, damaging, mind stealer, soul picker, and relationship wrecker are just a few. Beautiful, bright, shinning, guider, leader, hope, happiness, a teammate also. I want to share a month I’ve had with the enemy.
The beginning of May, I decided I was going to make some changes in my life. I wanted to grow as an individual not only as an individual but as a wife and mother. I became to turn to my bible for encouraging words and strength. I had always known that God had a plan for me, but what? When my doctors told me I wouldn’t be able to return to the work field, it took me for a real ride. My life became a total wreck, with depression, anxiety attacks, not leaving the house, and find every excuse of why I wouldn’t be at a family function. Eventually, I had to come to my senses. I had to snap out of it, or the enemy would win. Truthfully, the enemy had won, I gave up on myself, and ran from God. Doing things my way got me nowhere. I was in the dark days and didn’t realize it myself. I thought those were the best days, so beautiful and carefree.
Reality hit with me when I finally was paying attention. I was tired of running and finding that at each corner I was right where I had started. But I was comfortable. It fit like a shoe, just the right size. But it was time to grow out of the well-fitted shoe and find a bigger size. I knew it would be a struggle and lots of what am I doing, is this what I’m to be doing moments. I had prayed for so long, but not continually, just when I felt like I needed too. I knew my family and friends were praying for me and asking for God to show me the way, His way.
The beginning of May, I took the first step to try on a bigger shoe. I knew it wouldn’t fit, and I would have room to grow. I knew God had given me the light to the path I had longed to have. The prayers that I had asked for years ago and even months ago were finally in front of me. But I first had to believe in myself and mostly believe in God. I had to step out of my small shoes and take the first step in my new bigger shoes. Wow, scary I won’t lie. But yet so exciting at the same time.
I had made arrangments to meet with a gal, whom I had never met. We both live in the same small area of Indiana, but never knew her name or where she lived. I contacted her via facebook messager and made planned a day and time to meet one another. Yes, I had to take another step in my new shoe’s, going to her home. A strangers home at that. As I sat in my car for a few moments to gather my thoughts and to get the courage to go to the door, I began praying. Yes, I was second-guessing God’s word and path. I could turn around and leave, message the gal and tell her I couldn’t make it. And never show my face again when she was in my presences. NOPE, I stood with God and did what he sent me to do.
The gal came to the door and welcomed me in. At this point, I would have been sweating as if it were 100 degree’s outside. Stumbling over words and trying not to be shy. God was right there, all the way. I wasn’t scared, nervous, or even shy. I went into the home we sat at the table and began to talk. I had questions already written down to ask. SO not like me! Surprisingly the written questions weren’t needed. As we were talking learned that we both have issues with shyness, anxiety, depression, and we both are homebodies and believed in God.
Once we became comfortable with one another, we began to talk business. God had a plan. A plan with the new shoes. I would be able to work from home, work when I felt the best, and to meet new people. I would be able to stay connected to the gal I met. She would become my leader, my guide, the person I would turn to when the corners became rough. Or when the shoes were falling off rather than letting me grow into them. She too believes in God, God’s word, and his guiding hand. So where does the enemy come into play?
As weeks went by after meeting with the gal, I began to feel fear, wanting to run, turning my back on God. The more I said, to the enemy, “You won’t take this from me, I won’t let you.” The enemy worked even harder on me. He offered me new shoes with lots of bright colors. They fit like a glove. Tight in all the right places but loose in enough for growth. I tried those shoes on for a few days. But returning them because they weren’t the shoes God gave me. They didn’t have enough room to grow into the way God wants me to grow into them.
The enemy came back with revenge. It became harder and harder for me to focus on God’s word each day. God’s words were being to feel false, not true. The words of the enemy were so much stronger. So strong that I began to feel weak and scared. I turned to my family and friends for words and strength. Words that would put the enemy in its place and to let me grow in Gods path. My strength became stronger and stronger. My happiness became brighter and brighter. My courage became so real that I knew God was with me all the way.
On May 26th, I signed on as a Paparazzi Consultant. I was taking the path that God had planned for me for so long. But his timing is everything. I was so excited about taking this new step in my NEW SHOES. I began planning things out, coming up with ideas, a budget, where did I want to be in a month or even a year. My niece and I met on May 29th to do the final steps before I could begin my path. In just a few days the enemy struck again, like a tornado. In hopes of being powerful, the enemy throws the trump card. I played the “GOD” card.
I was playing hardball with the enemy. I was the batter making home run hits. God as my coach, I was able to hit the ball harder and farther. I had lots of running to do on May 30th. But God told me what I had to do. I turned to him when I began to panic. I asked God to calm my heart and to settle my thinking. As opened the doors to the bank thoughts of what I would say were everywhere. I had to close the account I just opened a week ago. The enemy had his workers working over time. But his overtime workers didn’t get the best of me. As I told the bank teller my account had been hacked I help my head high. God soothed me as I wanted to cry. As night came, I began to get lost again in my thoughts. Once again doubting God. Words started coming out of my mouth, words I knew God was giving me. Words as if I were standing in front of the enemy. I began to state I wouldn’t let the enemy win. That this is God’s plan, I was going to do what God wanted. I began to dance and sing. My singing isn’t on key, and my dance moves are just as bad. But that didn’t stop me from enjoying the presence of GOD.
Friday is a new day!!! I take the twenty-five-minute drive to the bank once again. As I sat down to begin the process of opening a new account, all I did was started laughing. God had prepared the accountant of the mess I had just the day before. Today went smoothly at the bank. Now on my way home was completely different. There was almost a wreck of five or six cars. With me almost being rear-ended, pushing me into the car in from of me causing a chain reaction. All of this because of a driver who decided they needed to make U-turn because they needed to go the other direction. I came just hairs from hitting the car in front of me. Seeing the car behind me coming just as close to me. I began praying that God would get me home. I asked for a reminder to go another way home.
I know I have many more enemy battles, and I know God will be my Trump Card!!!
Have you ever asked yourself if you were born with a warranty? What would it cover and cost? Would it cover from the ends of each strand of hair to the end of your longest toenail? Would your warranty be free? Would the warranty come with a guarantee? How long would our warranties last? Are warranties renewable? What is the process of renewing our warranties?
Our bodies have had wear and tear on them. We come weak and tired. Drained of our energy, and short on strength. As we look in the mirror at ourselves, we wonder how much more we will change. What will we look like, from our little wrinkles lines by our eyes to the sagging skin that no longer fit our bodies? We begin to work little birds trying to find the bug in the dirt. As we peck in fear, our minds fill with worry. The discretion of the peaking begin to pull a film over our eyes. The film blinds us from the truth.
I read in the book “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” by Joanna Weaver, on page 37, years ago, “Instead of fretting, instead of worrying, we need to focus on discerning what we can do (with God’s) and what should be left entirely up to God. Even more important, we need to keep our focus on who God is and what God can do.”
Are our warranties full of worry? Sure they are, we all worry. The question is, which I also read from “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” on page 42, “Will our thoughts center on things true or false? Noble or nasty? Right or wrong? Pure or putrid? Lovely or lewd? Admirable or abominable? Excellent or praiseworthy? Or solid and contemptible?” I battle with the fact when I want to be best friend with Christ, I find myself against another obstacle. My obstacles can be very simple to very harsh. For example it can be easy as telling someone they are beautiful to believe Jesus loves me on page 85.
I read from, “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” * The fruit of our lips: “Let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise-the fruit of lips that confess his name” (Hebrews 13:15) *The fruit of our deeds: “That you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: Bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:10) * The fruit of our attitudes: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23)
God blesses us with a warranty before we are born. That warranty is focusing on him, to turning to him with we worry and praise him for our blessing. Our warranty simply says, “Watch to see where God is working and join Him!” In our warranty states, “To minister to others who are lost, to bring them to Christ.” When we do this, new peace and new joy are created. It is us that begin the warranty to others. We also need to remember in our warranty, “God’s will does not always proceed in a straight line. So don’t be surprised if your personal plots take a couple of twists now and then. Don’t get upset when point A doesn’t automatically lead to point B. There are no detours in God’s story line, not really. Just complications that he’s more than able to resolve.” Found in the book of, “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” on page 120.
What does our warranty from God cost? Not much just our sins, and to trust in him and his love. Love is an anchor of his word. He loves us with an A warranty or with a F Warranty. Our love for Christ bonds us to the Warranty of our Might God. If we believe in God our warranty is a life long guarantee. As it reads in: John 11:24-25 “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” Found this in the book of “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World.” God promises us, that he will be with us all the way through the rough dry roads too the smooth refreshing waters. We just have to believe.
Living with anxiety can put a bit damper on your life. For me, it can be very challenging. I’m not sure what to say when I want to say something. I don’t know how to act, even though I’ve tried so hard to act normal. I become a clam, hidden in the shell, not peaking out. I don’t want to see the outcome. Outcomes are even harder even if they are good or bad. I can pep talk myself through situations, but I can still have anxiety attacks. Those attacks steal the words from my mouth. My brain becomes puzzled from the loss of words. My eyes become blinded, afraid to see, what is going on in front of them. My body becomes weak and lazy wore out from the stress. All I want to do is say what I want to say, and have the answers I want to hear. But that’s a fairy tail in life. Or is it?
The Bible says:
Philippians 2:28-30 So I am all the more anxious to send him back to you, for I know you will be glad to see him, and that will lighten all my cares. Welcome him with Christian love and with great joy, and be sure to honor people like him. For he risked his life for the work of Christ, and he was at the point of death while trying to do for me the things you couldn’t do because you were far away.
I find myself even afraid of God. I second guess my thoughts and trust with God. I want to do what God wants me to do. Whatever it may be, could be right in front of me, and I’ll second guess his words. I could have prayed for something for months or years. And what I have prayed for could be right in front of me, and I’ll doubt the words he is speaking to me.
What does the Bible say about Doubt?
Matthew 14: 25-32 About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came to them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him, they screamed in terror, thinking he was a ghost. But Jesus spoke to them at once. “It’s all right,” he said. “I am here! Don’t be afraid.” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you by walking on the water.” “All right, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on water toward Jesus. But when he looked around at the high waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Instantly Jesus reached out his hand and grabbed him. “You don’t have much faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you bought me?” And when they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped.
Sounds just like me, I’m afraid I’ll sink. That the winds will continue to blow like a wind storm. How do we get away from the enemy of Anxiety?
What’s the Bible tell us to do?
Matthew 5: 43-45 “You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust, too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that?”
So I ask God, I’m to love this Anxiety, these panic attacks, second thoughts, and those doubts? What! I’m very confused now. Do I walk towards the boat or towards the enemy? I need to learn to listen to my ears and come out of the shell. To not be afraid of what I want to talk about, what I want to do, how I want to grow and build better for my family.
In Psalms 71:2 says Rescue me! Save me from my enemy, for you are just. Turn your ear to listen and set me free.
Or maybe this speaks clearly to me
Matthew 13:15-16 For the hears of these people are hardened, and their ears cannot hear, and they have closed their eyes-so their eyes cannot see, and their ears cannot hear and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and let me heal them.” But blessed are your eyes because they see; and your ears, because they hear. I assure you, many prophets and godly people have longed to see and hear what you have to seen and heard, but they could not.
Matthew 10:27 “What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ears, shout from the housetops for all to hear!”
OH, how I long to shout from the rooftop of me becoming someone and being able to help provide for our family. I’m excited to grow and I’m ready but afraid to take the next step. That step is asking for help. How can I be afraid to ask for help, how could this be? I shouldn’t be afraid to share what I feel God is putting in front of me and to ask for help. I shouldn’t feel this way if I trust in the Lord. Is the enemy myself? Am I fighting myself, and afraid I’m not to do this? But if I’m afraid, why do I get excited when I talk about it, get excited when I think about it?
Isaiah 8:13 says: Do not fear anything except the Lord Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe.
Isaiah 8:13 says:
Do not fear anything except the Lord Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe.
Matthew 2:7 The Herod sent a private message to the wise man, asking them to come see him. At the meeting, he learned the exact time when they first saw the star. Then he told them, “Go to Bethlehem and search carefully for the child. And when you find him, come back and tell me so that I can go and worship him, too. After this interview the wise men went their way. Once again the star appeared to them, guiding them to Bethlehem. It went ahead of them and stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were filled with joy! The entered the house where the child and mother, Mary, were, and they fell down before him and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
When we hear the word Comfort Zone some of us have already started running. Millions are comfortable with stepping out of it. Where for me I’m the other millions who are uncomfortable about stepping out. I have friends that have strong personalities. When I’m with them, it’s easy for me to step out of my comfort zone. They are being looked at and listened to. I slide into a spot and stay there. So I guess no I’m not stepping out of the comfort zone, am I? I prefer to staying to myself, doing very little outside the home, and I have few friends. I’m don’t feel this is a “Cry Wolf” post. I’m sharing my thoughts and feelings. I hope that this may help someone else in their Comfort Zone.
I’ve been trying to work on myself. To cleanse myself before I try to bring anyone else into the Uncomforted zone. Working on comfort zones can be tricky. It’s one of those either you are or your not situations. I long to have friends. I long to have the best friend of my age. I have to love the friend inside myself first. Who is that friend? Is she fun, funny, loving, sharing, a word keeper, a go-getter? I would hope I’m all of these. Where do you fit in your inner self?
Comforted in the Bible says:
Genesis 21:17-18 Then God heard the boy’s cries, and the angel of God called to Hager from the sky, “Hager, what’s wrong? Do not be afraid! God has heard the boy’s cries from the place where you laid him. Go to him and comfort him, for I will make a great nation from his descendants.
Psalms 94:19 When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.
When we hear someone cry either from hurt, grief, loneliness, or feel they are “Crying Wolf” take a step back and ask yourself, what would you like for someone to do for you? When doubts fill our minds its time to ask for hope and to have cheerleaders on your sideline. Our Cheerleader has always been GOD, but it’s us that have lost our way. We need to listen to God. We need to read the word of God, praise our Lord for our blessings and our struggles. For he is our Comfort Zone.
Cleanse in the Bible says:
Proverbs 20:9 Who can say, “I have cleansed my heart; I am pure and free from sin.”
I know my heart needs to be cleansed. I know I’ve sinned, I’m not afraid to say that. We all sin in one way or another. But we view it differently. So that comfort zone comes into play here. We have to step out of the comfort zone to ask God to forgive us, to admit our sins, to do as God wants us to, to be like God.
Are you ready to step out of the Comfort Zone and become friends with God? Let him be the best friend inside of you, to the cheerleader on your sideline, to be the one who knows all our faults, and who holds our words close, he will be you through the cleansing process and thereafter. Do you need prayers? Step out of the comfort zone and let me know and I’ll pray for you. Remember God loves us all.
We all long to be a part of something or someone. Being looked as at equal fills the heart. To be part of hobbies, games, stories, conversions, helps everyone feel a part of something. We have area’s that we love more than others. We turn to others to help push through the area’s we don’t like. Fitting in can be very hard for some, and for other’s, it comes naturally. When things are harder on others, feeling natural is 100 percent harder for them. The more that people work at trying to fit in will only make them push farther away. I’ve seen this happened, when? I’ve done this, I’ve worked hard at being a part of something and only find that I push myself away. I don’t like to play the status game. The status game is belittling. The world has created this. Either your shoe fits the world. Sorry about your luck if it doesn’t. You’ll be placed in the box and shoved to the back of the closet. Out of sight out of mind as I have heard it. It’s hard to sit back and watch this happened to so many others in the world and families. You to speak out, but you also don’t want to be that shoe in the back of the closet. Just like the tongue on our shoe that has been laced down into place, our tongues must be done the same in our mouths. We have to watch what we say, when we say it and how we say it. Again I learn this when I was much younger. I have carried this through my whole life and continue to do so today. I’ve been trying to sort feelings and words out. I’ve found it’s like fighting a wind chime that is tangled together into knots. Untangling these words wear me out. I feel like that wind chime in the wind being beat around and bounced off one another, beaten and bruised. I continue to work at untangling the words.
But what does the Bible say:
Ecclesiastes 12:11-14 A wise teacher’s words spur students to action and emphasize important truth. The collected saying of the wise are like guidance from a shepherd. But, my child, be warned: There is no end of opinions ready to be expressed. Studying them can go on forever and become very exhausting! Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is the duty of every person. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad. We all struggle with words, relationships, groups, activities, being a part of, but it’s easier for some and harder for others.
Proverbs 10:17 People who accept correction are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore it will lead others astray.
The godly speak words that are helpful, but the wicked speak only what is corrupt.
Why do we feel cheated when we aren’t included? Why do we fill our emptiness with more emptiness? Why do we want to be a part? Is it because we’ve felt this all our lives? Is it that we don’t trust, or don’t know where we fit in? Or is it that we aren’t excepted, or welcome to be a part? Is that we not trusted? Or are we looked as not worthy?
Proverbs 11:1 The Lord hates cheating, but he delights in honesty.
Proverbs 11: 12-13 It is foolish to belittle a neighbor: a person with good sense remains silent. A gossip goes around revealing secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.
1 John 3: 11
This is the message we have heard from the beginning: We should love one another.
I’ve been struggling with words for the last few months. I have some I want to speak and some I’d rather hold inside.
A shadow doesn’t always follow behind us or beside us. We tend to run from shadows that are behind us that seem to be chasing us. Our silhouettes are the beautiful drawings of our shadows. We tend to stay in place and not move. When our shadow is in front of us, we give all our attention and focus on that shadow, forgetting about what was beside us or what was behind us. Shadows are now left to find their way back into the focus of the eye. Our eyes turn to worry, scared, wondering, darkened, just like the shadow we were running from but yet sitting still, the shadow in front of us has now replaced with light. Our minds focus on what’s in front of us and letting everything around us to fall, not knowing what is taking place. Our dark shadows run towards the light, but yet still left in the darkness.
Shadows have personalities just like we do. Happy, joyful, silly, sad, mad and lost. Happy, joyful and silly shadows can be washed in with the left behind shadows. Our bright shadows are a lot like our Happy = full of, joyful = filled, silly = bubbly. Lost shadows follow those who have been forgotten or replaced. Our dark shadows are a lot like our brokenness, loneliness, forgotten, replaced. Brokenness = empty, loneliness = without, forgotten = left behind, replaced = new.
We let our minds take control over what we want to see. Darkness can be seen by the broken we see the spaces, the gaps, the set-aside, unspoken too. Spaces will no longer be empty. For the gap’s they will no longer be apart. Being included will no longer be set aside. The spoken will speak to the unspoken. No one wants to be any of the darkened shadows we all want to be the part of the light. Darkness cried out to the light to be seen. Just like in the bible Matthew 27:45-46 which says:
“At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until three o’clock, Jesus called out with a lough voice, “Eli, Eli, Lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsake me?” Darkness has called out to the light, and is still forgotten.
Darkness wants to be valued in the bible found in Luke 12:6-7
“What is the price of five sparrow? A couple of pennies? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid: you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows.
Light is to shine through the darkness like the bible:
John 1: 5
“The light shines through the darkness, and the darkness can never be extinguish it.”
I truly believe this, but I feel that some will forget the darkness, that need the light.
What I’m trying to say is just this: Don’t forget about the darkened shadows behind you or beside you. Don’t forget they too are there wanting to feel the holiness, the warmth, the love and to be included. The LIGHT is to include, and push away,