My Mother’s Day will be pretty much like all the others. The last Mother’s Day that our Son has been a part of was six years ago. My last Mother’s Day with him, I can remember so clearly, like looking through a piece of glass. It was like every other Mother’s Day. But I didn’t know this would be the last with him. I remember what he gave me, a plant and a Mother’s Day card, along with a hug and a kiss. Hugs from him were always tight. Sometime’s if he was in a silly mood you might get lifted off your feet. I think he enjoyed hearing me squeal. I love knowing his father had taught him to show affection and strength at the same time.
I remember a statement that was said to me. Flowers and a card were stupid for Mother’s Day. Every Mother’s Day I would receive flower for my flowerbeds, along with mulch. The four of us would work hard in the yard, moving the heavy dark mulch from each flowerbed. I looked forward to this day, sharing it with both our children and my husband. It was hard work but yet satisfying.
Why was that My last Mother’s Day with our son? Month’s before he got married, there were lots of misunderstandings, and feelings hurt. The issue’s damaged the relationship with our son. We haven’t been able to rebuild that relationship with him and his family. I have prayed many of days that lead into years for healing. Six years later things I’m still without my son on Mother’s Day. We’ve sat down and talked hoping it would help, but it didn’t. All I can do now is pray more and pray that is wife cherishes Mother’s Day.
Two years ago was my last Mother’s Day with my Mother. WHY? Not by my choice but my Mother’s. I had taken care of her for two years, to the best of my ability. I followed the Doctor’s orders given. Every day, I worked hard to make sure my mother had the things she needed to live as close to possible on her own. Checking her medicines, making sure she had taken a bath, dressed, fed, paying her bills on time, making doctor appointments, taking her to and from those appointments to taking her to the store. Not only this but taking her to see her sister, out to lunch or dinner, to see my daughter graduate from college, to let her be a grandmother to the little girl I babysat also.
Two years came along then the role of the caregiver to my mother had all changed. She and my sibling had been talking behind my back and had a plan to end all that. My Mother didn’t like the way I was caring for her. I was doing everything the Doctors said and doing it by myself. I had my plate full that was running over the edges. I had my own health issue’s, my home and husband, my daughter would get graduating from college, plus trying to keep my siblings informed of what was going on with our mother. The Doctor’s rules were no driving, no doing her finances herself, and no making appointments on her own.
She had had a stroke, and her memory is in the first stages of Alzheimer’s. One of my siblings didn’t want to accept the fact that our mother was not well. I live just five to six minutes from her, where my siblings live twenty to twenty-five minutes away. I had access to her home and knew all her doctor’s and medications she was on. I knew which hospital to take her to, had all the doctor forms and documents needed. Not that my siblings couldn’t have those documents too, I just hadn’t had a minute to print them off. When I had spoken to my siblings everything was fine.
September came, and things changed. The changes were going to be big. I didn’t have time to prepare for them or the outcome. But I was no longer going to take care of our mother. My sibling had agreed with our Mother that she could indeed do all the things the Doctors had order she couldn’t. We met at the lawyer’s office to find the final decision of my mother. I indeed was removed from her care. I was no longer allowed to visit or see her. She was able to decide this because she hadn’t had the four-hour testing to show us just what she could do for herself and how her memory was. I will say she was starting to gain small tasks to do for herself. Since there were no test results to show to the lawyer, there was nothing I could do. But do what she ordered.
It’s been two years now that I haven’t shared Mother’s Day with my Mother. I do send her cards and will call her and hope she answers. But I’m not to do those things, because that’s what she told the lawyer. There are times when she answers the phone. She will ask questions, what happened, she doesn’t remember, that she thinks I’m mad at her, that I don’t want anything to do with her. Mad wasn’t the word that I was feeling, more like numb. Mad is the feeling I have towards my sibling. Disbelieve is the word I have. To this day, I have not spoken to that sibling. I choose not to because it becomes a battle. A battle of who was right and who was not. One that I don’t want to be called a liar or not trusted nor heard.
For this Mother’s Day, I will be celebrating with my Husband, Our Daughter and Our Soon To Son In Law. Will I be getting flowers for my flowerbeds? I would think so. For me, Flowers and Cards are perfect gifts. I won’t let that statement permanently be stamped in my mind how stupid they are. So I ask you to give your mother that silly gift for Mother’s Day the one that seems stupid to others.