Every year I tell myself I’m going to work on paying bills off and start to save. Every year comes and goes so fast that I have zero in savings and have done no discipline on spending. Saving money can be hard when you don’t work and aren’t to be working due to medical reasons. Depending on others can become very hard, tiring and stressful. I begin to beat myself because I have spent money on something that I didn’t need. Somethings I will buy something I feel our home needs. When you put on a tight budget and trying to make that go as far as you can is rough. Especially those times come when you weren’t excepting them.
When I get in these moods, I begin to point out what I did do rather than what I should have done. I drain my brain from any energy that I might have to figure out what can I do to save money. My first thought is to get a job. But where, and how long will that last before I’m sick again and in relapse. I begin finding items to sell. But in real life, they never sell, they end up going to Goodwill or donating them. I couldn’t sell something free, that’s how bad of a salesperson I am.
I’ve tried everything out there. Reading budget books, how to save, how to sell, how to pinch pennies, how to use cash rather than check or debit cards, and credit cards. I’ve used the envelope system, and that doesn’t seem to work either. The truth of it all is that I had never taught how to budget. My mother never taught me that. And well my father hasn’t been in my life. My mother worked and went to school, to pay our bills. So we could have a roof over our heads, and food in our bellies. But I never knew what it was like to pay bills. When I began working and spending my own money, it went fast not keeping track of what I spent it on. That led to living paycheck to paycheck. At some point, I need to grow up. And get my act together. I’m not getting any younger and for my savings, it’s not getting any bigger either.
Are you wondering what my shopping might look like? I love sales racks, clearance racks, buy one get one, buy five save five dollars so bargains. I can thumb through a sales rack and find nothing. But within minutes I’m back thumbing through that same sales rack to find something for the bargain. The item will make it through checkout, to the car, to the washing machine, to the hanger, and to the closet. That item of clothing could hang in the closet for a very long time. Once I get sick of seeing it, I’ll try to sell it and then give up and get rid of it. That’s my habit, buy things that either I want or think our home needs. Then sometimes they don’t even get used. I call this depression spending. Buying items to fill those empty holes, to fill with happy thoughts. Which will turn to mad thoughts, because I bought it and really didn’t need it?
SO I’ve decided I would try something new. My daughter sent me this: “How Bullet Journaling Helped Me Conquer My Mindless Spending Habit”.
I put it to the test today. I had a doctors appointment on my favorite side of town. All the stores I love to spend time shopping. I started at one of my favorite little stores, walked in and didn’t get a cart or hand basket. Went in with nothing in mind to buy. First stop shoes, Oh I found a very cute pair of summer shoes, the price looked good. They stayed on the rack. Moving to home goods didn’t find a thing in that department. Great! Next clothing, what caught my eye CLEARANCE SIGNS. I looked through the clothing, find a few shirts I thought would be great for Easter the price five dollars each. This was a bit hard to leave them on the sale rack, but that’s where they stayed. I continued to walk about the clothing department, finding myself going back to the shirts for Easter. At this point, I knew I had to walk out of the store. I did just that, getting in my car I told myself GREAT JOB. I continued this with each store. Surprising myself with empty arms when I arrived home.
I sat down with my planner and began putting bullets in my journal part, and writing the feelings, and wants for the items and if I came home with me. My reasoning for buying somethind today? I had seen my physiatrist today, which I see him every three months. Nothing new to talk about, no change in medicines, come back in three months and I’m on my way and I paid my co-payment with cash. I left home at one thrity pm and my appointment was at two fifteen pm arriving early. I was back home by four o’clock pm. That’s early I’m normally gone the entire day. I forgot to add that I like to eat out on these days. I ate before I left, I brought my favorite cup filled with water with me. I didn’t eat out, but by the time I got home was too hungry and shaking. I’ll have to figure something else out. I’ve tried energy bars, which I don’t like. If you have any idea’s please let me know. Thanks.